No Regrets.

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 00:51:26 GMT

to conclude my lj, i decided to do My 9. 9 descriptions of people i thought inpacted me greatly over the past few years of my young life. I can't honeslty say this is the last entry. i may start a new lj but in that one i would only talk about specific issues rather than my day. so in conclusion, if this is your means of keeping up on what's going on in my life, then i guess you'll just have to pick up the phone. so peace out cub scout, and if you really wanna know who the following people are, call and maybe i'll tell you. =)

We were never the closest friends. Always just civil with a conversation here or there. Then things changed and we became better friends. It was a great year - one of the best. We connected on so many levels and enjoyed a lot of the same things. I even felt like I could go to you with any problems, and ask for any favor, big or small. At one point, I was feeling like I was losing some of my best friends, but for some reason, being friends with you made it all ok. It’s funny, because we were never the closest friends until last year, and you ended hurting me more than any other friend ever has.

I should not be suprised. I should have seen it sooner.

I thought it was too late, but I got another chance. I don’t think most people understand how deeply I feel about this whole situation. We never really had an in depth conversation or expressed our feelings for one another, but it’s something where you just know. It’s kinda like family. Sometimes you know you love each other without having to say it. And that’s what you are. Family. It may not seem that way looking in from the outside, but you are. I thought I lost you forever, and to this day it is still hard to think about. The past year of my life you have been my motivation for everything I do, and you will continue to be. I can’t even begin to describe how happy I am that I got my chance- my chance to show you how much you meant to me before it was too late.

one sweet day

This one goes to not one person, but a group of people. They are people I never thought in a million years I would be friends with. These people truly made the summer of 2008 extra special for me. Though I may not talk to one of these people any more, I’m still thankful to have met them and spent the summer with them. As for the other two I plan to keep talking to them and definitely stay in touch with them. I can tell them just about anything and they are almost an escape from any drama I may want to avoid, weather it’s with other friends or family. These two people have become two of my best friends in only a matter of two and a half months, and I plan to keep it that way.

i'd drive all night just to get back home

You are my best friend. I can tell you anything and weather you like it or not, you accept it because you are a true best friend. Even though our personalities may differ, we think alike - so much to the point where we can tell what the other is thinking just by a look. You are an amazing person and I know you will achieve your dreams one day. Just try your best to get through today, because it will eventually pay off. I don’t know what I’d do without you, and I’m so happy it’s you that’s my roommate.

counting down the days to getting out

I have known you since third grade. Our friendship has always been a little weird if you ask me, but this year was definitely awesome. I feel like before you wouldn’t open up to anyone and that was why our friendship was weird. This year you opened up and you were finally yourself and it’s awesome. Even though we go to different schools I know we’ll stay in touch and we have so far. I just hope you do stay yourself because you are such an awesome person and you shouldn’t worry about others judging you, or even your family. They act the way they do because they care, but don’t let it hold you back ever again.

go on and lose it

This one is for two people. These people are both smart, funny, and awesomely cool. The thing I love about these two people is that no matter how long I go without seeing them or speaking to them, the minute we do talk, it’s like we just saw each other a week ago and no time was missed. You’re both whole-hearted and good natured people, which is always something this world needs more of. I can’t wait to see you both when we’re older cause you’ll probably two of the happiest people in our graduating class, one way or another.

show 'em what your made of

Another pair. 1. I have known you for so long and when you met him, I knew it wasn’t like you to act this way. I saw you hurting the people around you but there was nothing anyone could do. Finally things are getting better, and I see you being more like yourself again every time I see you. But when all this did happen, I became closer with your sister than you and I hope you understand why. I’m just happy I can still call us friends. 2. You’re her sister and I know how much it hurt, because I went through a similar situation myself. But you got through it and I’m so happy. I have told you things about myself I have told almost no one else about and that’s big for me. I have told you about my insecurities which is huge, because I never ever allow my self to be vulnerable. I know we’ll stay friends for a long time, and it’ll be awesome.

and sometimes you close your eyes and see the place where you used to live

Honestly I hated you when we met, lol. You were so annoying and I could barely stand to be in the same room with you. Imagine the surprise people got after coming back from summer break and we were best friends, lol. You’re so weird sometimes but I love it. I can tell you almost anything and KNOW my secrets are safe. There’s not many people I can say that about. We’ve been through some interesting times together to say least, and I look forward to more of those crazy, fun times.

i'm gonna be there

Finally, there’s you. I honestly didn’t mean to save this one for last, it just happened that way. The first time I saw you was 10^th grade Italian class, which is a story within itself, lol. I can honestly say I saw you and I fell. People to this day still don’t understand why I ever liked you, but that’s because they never took the time to get to know you, which a lot of people tend to do to you. Everyone thought you were always an asshole who didn’t care about anyone but himself. That is totally wrong and to this day I will defend you. You are sweet and caring and have a sense of humor. You were everything I ever wanted in a guy and now, though you may not be everything I still want, I have to say I do still have feelings for you. I just wish you said what you had to say to me. I know there was something you wanted to say because you don’t look at people like that everyday for two years and not have anything to say. I think I have an idea of what it was though, but what’s done is done… for now.

you have stolen my heart

stay away from me, less you gonna see, less you gonna see me out.

home sweet home

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 22:30:19 GMT

so i moved in, met a few people, and came home a day later, lol. i still had more stuff to get and things to take care of. i'm not entirely quitting partyland. tom basically said any weekend i wanna come home and work, i can, which is totally sweet. i saw caroline and michelle for the first time in two weeks which was awesome. i also saw jeff which is always a good thing. i must say, i was sooo happy to come home. i'm tired of ice breakers and welcome week activities and i'm ready for classes to start. i am sooo out of my comfort zone there, but hopefully once class starts, it'll get better. if not, it's only for a year.

so me and jen were talking to steph the other day, and she really hit the nail on the head. she said "my life isn't over just because i went to college". she is totally right and i agree with this statement 100%. just because i live at stockton, doesn't mean my life here in winslow ceases to exist. i still have people here i love that i fully intend on visiting every chance i get, and awesome friends who i expect to stay in touch with and see every chance i get. okay, well my mom is telling me to get off the computer, so later.

it's always back to you

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 20:16:59 GMT

i said my first real goodbyes yesterday and today is my last day working with brittany at partyland. this shit is crazy.

i got a job on campus which is good i guess. money is a necessity. i can't believe i move in on thursday. i can't say i'm gonna miss a lot of people, but i am gonna miss a good handful. i'm only 40 minutes away though, so it's not too bad. the whole situation is just weird.

everything will be just fine, everything will be all right

time

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 02:01:08 GMT

so me and brittany were talking today at work about what super-hero like quality we wish we could have. oddly enough this isn't the 1st time we've had this conversation. i was never able to choose one quality and be happy with it. the ability to read someone's mind is cool, but i wouldn't want to read their minds if it was something bad...or disgusting. then there's invisibility. however, kind of like reading people's minds, i wouldn't wanna be around if people were trash-talking me. there's also super-human strength, but that can be a little freakish at times, especially if you're a girl. so i thought about it and finally came up with a good one: the ability to freeze time. to live in the moment as long as i wanted. the days go by way too fast, especially these days. i almost feel like time is running out, and the days are going by quicker and quicker each day. just the ability to slow time down and really appreciate the moment would be awesome. unfortunately i am not a super hero and i can't slow down time, so i guess i'll just have to make due with being plain old me, which thus far has been pretty okay.

i'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you

warped tour

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 14:43:06 GMT

so i have to admit, before warped tour i had low expectations. however, it turned out to be pretty awesome. the color fred was amazing, it was just fun watching reel big fish play, and gym class heroes was a little weird, but good. i ended up meeting fred from the color fred and aaron from reel big fish which was cool. oh and i can't forget the guy that told me and jen that sex does not sell. all lies. anyway, it was loads of fun and the train ride home was interesting. then jen's mom, cousin, and sister picked us up and took us to the cold cow which was an adventure in itself, lol. but i gotta say, that was one awesome bday present.

so today is jen's grad party which should be fun and maybe a little scary due to her aunt peggy. lol. but anyway, my dad hasn't been home the past few days but i think he's coming home today for jen's party - with jose! i haven't seen him in about a year, and i'm not really sure what to say, but it should be good.

i always hoped to avoid the issues

so much to do, so little time

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 19:12:02 GMT

i haven't updated lately cause i don't really have anything to say. yes, things are going good and things are fine, but i haven't found a reason to update. warped tour is friday and jen's party on saturday. jose may be coming home soon. and that book for our freshman seminar isn't that bad so far. i've only gotten through the first chapter though.

at this point in my young life though, i can't help but ask, "where is this going?". before almost anything i do these days i ask myself that question. it's weird, but i kinda feel like i've been walking on eggshells lately. with everything and everyone.

it's like a dream, no end and no beginning

oh, and on a not so serious note, i walked into my open car door and i think i bruised my cheek bone. no visible evidence though, so it's all good.

life

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 17:55:16 GMT

in the past few weeks i have truly learned that life is such an unexpected, crazy thing. but at times, it's unexpected craziness is so worth it.

one sweet day <3

update!

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 18:27:25 GMT

its been a while, so here's the gist of whats been going on.

finals
grad party
grad practice
yearbooks
graduation
project grad (expected it to be better, but hey, whatevvs.)
work, work, work
grad parties galore
and finally....

a new guy? : )

dont wanna jinx it though, so thats all your getting lj. that and i might hang out with him again tomorrow : )

this glass house is burning down, you light the match i'll stick around

p.s. - im so ready to get over the old guy too. you know what they say - out with the old, in with the new.

happy birthday to you.

Tue, 27 May 2008 02:18:47 GMT

in less than two more hours is your birthday. may 27, 1977. i'm getting my second tattoo tomorrow. the guardian angel i got from my dad who got it from you. i remembered you'd carry it around all the time. it'll be an icy blue in the middle of my back. you are my motivation for everything i do. you will be my motivation for the rest of my life. you got through the toughest of times, and for that you are my hero. you are also my guardian angel. i seem to get out of situations that look like there will be no happy ending to, and for this i thank you. you would have been 31 tomorrow, and this is the biggest present i can give to the both of us. as i sit there and have this ink forever put into my skin, i will think of you and say, "happy birthday jose`".

aaaahhhh life. :)

Sun, 25 May 2008 23:08:21 GMT

hahaha. the irony.

Wed, 07 May 2008 20:34:02 GMT

so much to do, so little time. blehhh

anyway, i've started a journal, the offline type, where i write in it everyday. i started it today in shaw's class and im gonna write down all my true thoughts and feelings about any given subject each day. hmmm, if that's the case i should probably move it from my gov notebook to a more secure place. i think this is good for me. it gives me a chance to get things off my chest when i need to or when i just dont wanna talk about it.

on a good note, im pretty sure im the only white girl running against 6 or more black girls for prom queen. let the campaigning commence.

i need my prom dress back, i gotta find mike a matching tie, get my nails done, write out 100 stickers, make lables for 240 pieces of gum, make up an ap gov test, study, get a mother's day gift, work, school, figure out how im gonna do my hair for prom, read another whole book, get a boyfriend, and still somehow maintain a social life within the next week. i guess the boyfriend thing can wait though.

i want to get free

Sun, 04 May 2008 17:29:37 GMT

i'm running for prom queen. go figure.

it's really nice to know that i have so many people on my side and supporting me. i love that everyone is putting their all into this campaign . it's like asking for a shovel and getting a bulldozer (lol). i love my friends. : )

im not really sure what made me wanna run. but all it took for me to finally decide to run was jen saying "you should run". when i picked up that nomination sheet something in the back of my mind told me i should, and now i am. win or lose, im happy im doing it and im happy im doing this with my friends. it's like that one last project for us before graduation. man i love my friends.

i'd give up forever to teach you

mini update

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 21:36:18 GMT

so my grad party plans are finally a go. turns out we graduate on tuesday, june 17 so my party is most def on saturday, june 14. the play is next week and then after that... senior trip! sweeeet. i just need to get these prom plans finalized and i'll be good.

i took off from school today and im glad. this gives me an extra weekend to study for ap gov and hopefully finish that darn essay. oh and my mommy made me pancakes : )

well thats all for now loyal lj readers.

my heart is full and my door's always open, you can come anytime you want

the government likes to give you stuff just to take it away

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 17:29:08 GMT

college is stressful and im not even there yet. go figure.

on the upside there's only 16 days till senior trip. or is it 17? eh, i was never good at math.

I'll give you everything you want

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 21:44:16 GMT

not to sound the same as all you othe lj users out there, but 2 words:

SPRING BREAK

my grandma is coming today and leaving tuesday. haha, gotta love that woman.

oh and ummm party anyone? cause i know i wanna.

so im pretty much scared to drive home from work. strange thing after strange thing has been happening whil driving today. 2 of which while jeff was in the car and 1 on my way to work. i just wanna make it to graduation! (which im soo stoked for) so if you wanna know the details, just ask cause its too much to type.

oh, and if u didn't already know, saladworks is THE SHIT.

and im out.

They say time heals everything, but i'm still waiting

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 01:55:19 GMT

don't insult me and then wonder why i skip that class. dumbass.

you get what you deserve

update!

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 01:29:05 GMT

i havent updated in a while so here it goes. the past week was hspa week so we did just about nothing. sweeeeet. spring break is in less than 2 weeks. also sweet. disney in about a month and prom in about 2. triple sweetness. the only thing im concentrating on is my research paper. ugh. rough draft is due friday which means the final draft will probably due before spring break. at least i'll have that done and out of the way. oh and after spring break i plan on doing just about nothing. can not wait.
so it turns out im going to prom with mike mccarty which is pretty cool and i think we'll have a lot of fun. my dress is mint and super cool. thats enough of that.
well back to the research paper i go. blehhh

Will you feel anything at all?

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 21:20:50 GMT

sometimes i think im the only one in my family who is truly balanced. dad is too harsh. mom doesn't always think. brother never has money. sister is EXTREMELY emotional. im not saying i don't have my fualts. but im not too harsh, nor too emotional, and i balance my money from week to week pretty darn well, and while i don't always think, when it really matters i can pull through. and its not just now, it's all the time. it has nothing to do with a recent death in the family, because if you were to look at my family at any other time, it'd be the same. its always kinda been like this. i think i learned from them which has made me the girl i am today. maybe thats why im balanced. i guess i'll never really understand it though.

she'll destroy us all before she's through and find a way to blame somebody else

R.I.P. Uncle Joe

learning

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:30:52 GMT

im slowly learning to look at the bigger picture. to stop stressing about the little things, and only truly freak out about the big things... unless of course its one of those days. in fact, i think i took a really big step yesterday. see, we were in jen's car and i just laughed and laughed and laughed for about 5 minutes straight. why? because of this one prom couple. yes, i may have lost 1 of my back-ups, but who cares? lol, im still kinda laughing about it. i dunno, maybe i'm just delerious.

i wonder if he knows he's the only thing i think about at night

bad things happen to good people

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 20:12:41 GMT

okay, i know life is unfair, but why is it that people who don't deserve things get it the worst??

1. a reformed drug addict. he knows he has a problem and asks his best friend for help. it takes two years but finally he is better. his life is back on track and actually going fairly well. a fiance' who loves him, that best friend and his family, and a job helping others like him. and then a doctor tells him he has an incurable cancer.

2. a high school girl. all her life she has followed the rules, done fairly well in school, and just been your average teenager. but because some idiot had to make up a test that judges how "smart" you are, which is the same test so many colleges tend to judge you on, she has a hard time. not everyone excells at test taking. and to top it off, anything that can possibly go wrong has.

3. a loving father, uncle, and friend. all my life he has been one of the coolest guys i've known. i never saw him much because he lives in north jersey, but cool nonetheless, and the only uncle i really know on my mom's side of the family. his family has always had a history of heart problems, and now it's his turn. all his life, he's worked, been a good husband, and been a great father to 3 awesome girls. now, they don't know if he has days or weeks left.

now tell me, does that sound fair to you?

hope dangles on a string

senioritis

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 21:12:49 GMT

1. research papers suck
2.mr. lee is an unreasonable ass
3.mr. bennett is probably the nicest principal i've ever met
4. im so glad we have off monday
5. either teachers are unfair, or i have a horrible case of senioritis

personally, i think it's the second one. like it's so bad, i don't even know if i spelled "senioritis" right

i know you well enough to know you never loved me

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 21:59:35 GMT

im actually kinda sad midterms are over cause this means no more getting home early or getting whole days off. and now we actually gotta start doing things in class. oh well

and i would just like to say jens life is seriously like a movie. it's true what they say - never ever ever say it could'nt get any worse.

you gave me that look across the table

accepted

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 21:36:09 GMT

i just got accepted to stockton!

only 1 thing could make this better.

but im good. =)

We'll make the great escape.

it's been a while

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 21:52:04 GMT

yeah, my title pretty much sums it up. since my last update my college career has been put in jeopardy, i've dyed my hair, went on a diet, started and stopped liking someone, like someone else, had many awkward moments, crashed a mini-party with mike and heather, been bribed by my dad to go to CCC, got another shot, grown closer to some people and farther from others, registered for the jan. SAT, tried crown fried chicken, and been a sneaky bitch. not in that order though.

the senior trip is in 3 months, the prom in 4, and graduation in 5. crazy.

this all was only wishful thinking

YAY

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 22:33:01 GMT

so xmas is almost here... yay! i finally got my tree on monday. i think this is the earliest we ever got it. usually we get it the day before xmas eve cause we procrastinate like that. i looooove the smell of real trees. its probably one of my favorite scents. life is pretty good these days. i just wish i knew if i was accepted to stockton or not yet.

today was shopping for the drama club xmas party which is tomorrow. it should be bunches of fun, lol. then party at rickys on saturday. and then xmas eve on monday! yay! haha, im such a little kid.

oh and apparently taking back sunday is playing in february? if you got info, LET ME KNOW. haha, i love them soo much.

but it's you i cant deny